MOVE:
Parent CUE
1,
We’re Teaching this.
Movements are everywhere. “To write love on her arms”, “Tom’s Shoes”, “Livestrong”,
“Habitat for Humanity”, and the “End-It Movement”—all of those and hundreds
more were created during our lifetime. In fact, one of the traits that this
generation is known for is being the most cause-driven, the most movement
focused in history. So which movements do we join? How do we start? And how do
we move and serve in a way that really matters? Even if we aren’t sure what we
think about Jesus, we can learn something from Him about serving the community
around us. By His example we learn to MOVE on behalf of others and KEEP MOVING
to have a lasting impact.
2. Think
About This
Have
you ever had a conversation with your teenager that felt like a complete flop?
Like your words bounced off a brick wall? You’re probably not alone. Most
parents feel incredible pressure to have meaningful conversations with their
students, and yet those conversations are met with resistance if not total
refusal to engage. This is especially true when it comes to matters of
faith—like attending church or serving others. When parents seem willing enough
to talk, why is it that teens often feel so resistant to listening?
It may be all in the
approach. Many teens feel like every parent-initiated conversation has an
agenda. And let’s be honest, they may be right. During the teen years, as
parents realize their time with their teen is limited, there is a sense of
urgency surrounding all of the life lessons and important conversations that
they feel they SHOULD have with their child before college. With the pressure
mounting to work in all of these lessons, it is easy for parents to resort to
talking at their student instead of
talking with them. While the intentions are good, if the
majority of conversations center around a lesson, teens can end up feeling like
they don’t measure up. Like their parents care more about “fixing them” or
“setting them straight” than they do about connecting with them. Who wants to
feel that way all the time?
This sort of dynamic
can make conversations about faith even more tricky. It can set up students to
feel inadequate and then tune out the parents. And tuned out parents feel
equally inadequate and want to stop trying. What a mess!
Helping students live
out their faith, helping them develop values and habits they will carry into
adulthood is one of the most important parts of a parent’s job. So how do you
teach those lessons without running the risk of being shut out? How do you have
a conversation without having “a talk”? How do you begin to move forward in
your relationship and not backwards?
Maybe the answer is
actually to talk less. Remember when they were little and they wanted to play
baseball like dad or dress up like mom? Remember how they imitated the way that
you talk (maybe a little too much)?
While teens don’t make it as obvious, they still take cues about what is
important by watching their parents. What you prioritize, what you organize
your schedule and budget around will communicate loudly what you believe is
important-without ever having to tell them.
So maybe instead of
talking about the importance of spending money wisely, you invite them to help
you figure out the family budget this month. Maybe instead of working “church”
into the conversation, you simply trust that your example, that your
commitment, is sending the message. Maybe instead of talking about the
importance of serving others, it’s just something you do together.
When you lead with
your actions, it takes a lot of pressure off the conversation. And the more
conversations you have, without a lesson attached, the more your teen will
trust that you like them, as a person. The more they will believe that you
think they’re a good person. It might even open the door to more meaningful
conversation—because now you’re talking with them and not at them.
3. Try
This
Developing a habit of serving, or moving on behalf of others
as a family, can seem daunting when family schedules and budgets are already
stretched to the max. But serving doesn’t mean that you have to volunteer at a
soup kitchen every week or build a well in Africa on your own. Simply meeting
one person’s need is a big step and will go a long way in helping your teenager
develop an awareness for the needs around him or her.
Choose one elderly neighbor or single mom in your community
and invite your student to help you decide on ONE THING you can do for that
person. Something as simple as making them dinner and bringing it over could
make their day. And every member of the family can be involved. Invite your
student to help you decide on the menu, buy the groceries, prepare and deliver
the meal.
Serving somewhere every week or every month may not be a
possibility for your family, but simply developing an awareness of the needs
around you and moving on behalf of one person can help students develop the
habit of caring for the world around them.
